hn8

alright, so this is a much longer post than usual, mostly because i have started writing every day. i will also be writing more often in two weeks, with frequent posting, as my permanent site has internet availability. but i will tell you guys all about that when i get there.

part1
i'm not sure what to write, but i felt like writing anyway. i had a pretty miserable day today, but regardless overall i feel great. i'm in honduras. i still have moments where i ponder that fact with amusement. i was thinking today about life, as many have experienced it, and i think for my age, i'm doing just fine. living in a new country, with a whole new culture, assimilating, speaking a new language. not so bad. so when one day goes badly, who really gives a fuck. oh man that feels good to say. who gives a FUCK. exaclty. i don't. soon training will be over, and i will be in another place. but finally to stay, not just to pass through. a new home for two years. ill have new friends, another family, i think my fifth for this trip, or fourth, whatever. ill have a job, for the first time in my life, ill be my own boss. i can wake up when i want, plan my own projects, do what i wish whenever it is that i wish it. yeah ill be working with other people, but thats not the same. ill have no deadlines, not as we know them at least, no official time to start working each day. if i want to, ill have it, but that's up to me, and i'm ecstatic over that fact. if i dont want to work one day, i can go out riding or walking or sleep in a hammock, and no one can stop me. you know, just writing about it is making me feel better already about my day. and you know, i think even though there have been some rough patches with my fam, we've bonded more than i've thought. my little host sister drew a picture the other day of the whole family, and i was in it, as her big brother. today, she asked me if i loved them, and if i loved my real dad more than my host dad. lol, papochka, no worries, i still love you. i had to explain to her that it was different, that my love for them was on a different conceptual plane than my love for my real parents. i couldnt just break her heart. but it made me see that even though we dont always get along, or they annoy the shit out of me, its all because they love me. and thats kind of what a real family is like. sometimes, people can push you to the edge, but in the end, they'll be the ones pulling you back. and all it takes is an innocent question from an eight year old to see the truth.

part2
i wish i wrote more. maybe i lcak for inspiration, maybe my days are filled with such monotonous activity that little occurs which requires a written account. maybe, its that i don't see the richness of each experience that i have, at least not enough that i share it will all of you. i just watched into the wild, for the first time, and it made me wonder about the power of the written word, of the true story of an amazing experience. not that my [eace corps adventure is at all comparable to what Macandless experienced, but still. from now on, im going to try a new excersize. every night, regardless of what occured, i will write. either a summary of the day, or some phylosophical jibberish, or even some fiction. maybe a joke i learned, or a story i overheard at the nearby pulperia. for example, i can say that for today, although not much has happened, i have had one realization. i am a master of jalon. or hitchhiking. i have begun to use it as my sole means of transport when i commute in town, and for some reason, no one has yet to refuse. anyone who has a pickup truck is always willing. and it saves a lot of time, since the walk from one side of town to the other takes over half an hour. true, i could be walking more, but i save that energy for other things. like chopping wood. lol. anyway, ill write more tonight. maybe i can share some more, or not. regardless, you'll all be reading about it soon enough.

part3
ok, so since i have begun this journey i have experienced many social and cultural norms that are quite different from my exectations, even taboo in certain respects. for example, corporal punishment. i have seen it first hand here in honduras, and not just spanking, but flat out violence directed at children as a means of education, or training obedience. i have seen a father use a belt on children in such a way that would be considered illegal in the states, frowned upon to the highest degree. and you know what, after a discussion i had with my host mom today, it seems that it is quite the contrary here, in fact, its encouraged. yes thats right, encouraged. suggested. preferred. a cure-all, like the old potions of the middle ages, when 1 thing was used to heal any illness, reduce the size of one thing, increase the size of another, grow hair in one place, tan one spot, remove a rash, produce an odor, whatever. this is the same. they think that through a beating, a child learns that an action is unwanted. but to be honest, i dont think it works. i think it encourages hiding a behavior instead of altering it. and what's worse, the form of castigation itself is perpetuated throughout the generations, and children who were hit at a young age grow up to do the same to their own sons and daughters. so maybe the children cry, and seem like they learned a lesson, but in fact, the beating does little to actually teach right from wrong. they associate the beating with the instance, not the concept. so yeah, maybe a boy will be beaten for fighting with his sister while doing homework, but while they're playing soccer, he'll still pull her hair and push her, because for him, the cases are different. soon enough, his parents will see him doing it, beat him again, and he'll probably learn then. or not, and maybe in another place, with different circumstances, things will not turn out so well. in fact, maybe the inner rebelious nature of the child will lead to the opposite, and further unwanted behavior. i tried another approach with my little sister which worked out wonderfully, and i think is a excellent alternative. i was talking to her at one point today about something important, and midway through what i was saying, she turned away and began paying attention to something on the tv. i called to her, and she didnt respond, at which point i said her name and asked her to repeat what i had told her. she just shrugged, smiled, and turned back to the cartoon that was playing on the television. so i tried an experiment. i told her out loud that i was upset, and that in order to become friends with me again, and be my sister, she would have to appologize for her actions. well at first she huffed and puffed, and ignored me, but i did the same. finally, as i was walking to my room to go to sleep, she approached me, and quietly said, "disculpe por lo que hice", sorry for what i did. i asked her for what, she told me, and we parted ways. i forgave her, she went to sleep happy, and having learned that it is important to pay attention when someone is talking to you. sure i could have slapped her, given her the belt, and maybe this once she would have understood, but with the peaceful method, i provided incentive for good, and a consequence for bad. i don't think that in the future she will want to lose a brother or a friend that easily.

part4
so i'm gonna vent tonight, but only for a short while, and then i'll tell you what my two year old sister did in my room today. but venting first. so the honduras-mexico game was tonight, and we decided, us trainees, that we would hold a viewing at the salon tecnico, with a projector and snacks. claudia, our awesome training director, offered to make tajadas, or fried green bananas, but alas the electric stove was not cutting it. so i volunteered to go fry the things over the wood burning stove thing that was in the backyard. i ended up frying those fucking gineos for over 45 minutes. i dropped them off for the group, went to clean up, when marcos approached me about making popcorn really quick. so, i assisted him, and while half time passed, that's right, i missed the first half, we made a huge kettle of popcorn. however when i returned, i found that all of the fried bananas had been eaten,and none remained for me. and not a single thank you from the group. but wait, it gets better. we watched the rest of the game, and then josue, carmen, marcos, y yo, went to start cleaning up, only to find that everyone else, had left. they just peaced out, skadoodled, blew the popsickle stand. fucked off without a word. and we were left mopping, taking out the trash, and washing dishes. it was awesome. and you know what, it wasnt even the first time. when we made pancakes and watched a movie, same shit, different day. its amazing, how during the day everyone is curtious, "please" and "thank you" and "oh no, you first", and at night its every man for himself. or herself. whatever, not the time to be politically correct. no one even thanked marcos for the popcorn. whats wrong with people. alright, enough of that. more importantly, my sister and her escapades. so i'm sitting in my room while my host mom is trying to sell me some clothes that she keeps in the back. its like a side business for her, and it was more of a time for us to bond than anything. both of us knew that i wasn't gonna buy anything. so, as she goes through the bag, both my sisters, the 8 and 2 year old, keep going in and out of the room. now, the eight year old is cool, but the 2 year old still lacks any self control, so i forbid her from entering. just as a precaution. so the first time, im like, swendy, get out. she comes back, and im like, jennifer, take swendy out. (that's right, her name is swendy, not wendy, or sandy, but swendy.) third time, i let it slide, and all of a sudden, in the middle of conversation, little swendy farts, let's a big one rip, right next to me. PEDO, she says, and looks at me innocently. we laugh, but at this point, i'm like, get this thing out of here. i get the older sister to carry her away and continue chatting with my mom. within seconds the little monster is back, and by the time i even realize, she manages to shit, right in the center of the room. just like that. and then she stood there, just looking at me, repeating the word kaka. no remorse, or apologetic tone. just, hey, check it out, i just crapped in your room, what you gonna do about it? and the mom and the other sister just stood there, laughing. as if a child had not just defecated inside my private residence. i wonder if its a cultural thing.

part5
today was an awesome day. although it began fairly miserably, the way i feel now is beyond words. so i woke up this morning with a stomach ache, and ended up excreting something which looked like a mix between coffee with cream and sugar and hot cider. yeah, that's right. gross. but after i got to training, things started improving. i had lunch with john, which included an amazing salad of lettuce, tomato, broccoli, mushrooms, cucumber, lime, salt, and a whole lot of love. the first time i had veggies in like a month. i then had my last technical interview where i was given the best news of all. first of all, i have the most awesome site i could have asked for. ill be working in one of the most beautiful national parks of honduras, collaborating with a large coffee cooperative, working on organic farming, certification, hydro electric power, forest conservation, and environmental ed. yeah, all of that at once. hopefully, i can at least get one project off the ground. ill also be assisting with the construction of letrines, improved stoves, and other infrastructure. did i mention that ill have electricity and internet. yeah, internet. you guys will be hearing from me a hell of lot more often than before, hopefully. and i might even have a horse. shits awesome. it also seems that i will be placed quite close to a few of my good friends, which makes me quite excited. basically, i got everything i ever wanted, and more. on the 17th i will know more exact details, but ill be peeing my pants until then, out of sheer excitement and anticipation. but even more so, the awesomeness didnt stop there. i got home tonight and my family and i celebrated dia de ninos, which was awesome. the food was great, and best of all, we had a dance party where my little siblings jived and grooved to reggaeton and punta, while i used my flashlight to create a strobe light effect. for like half an hour. while the electricity was out. the music blasted out of my dad's pickup, as the kids went nuts on the porch. it was adorable and heartwarming. i danced with them for some time, and then resorted to just keeping the beat on the laser light show. by the time the lights came back on, the kids were exhausted and the parents ready for bed. it was a sweet night.

part6
had some excitement today, and not the boring kind that i've been writing about. tonight, my friends came by to escape the rain after working on a project at the nearby school with some locals. they had gotten stuck there when a huge storm hit our valley, and they were forced to come to my house because they live much further away. they had left the school locked, and by seven were eating catrachitas on my porch. when the rain stopped around 8, we decided to walk down to the school to get the rest of their things, and make sure everything was secure. when we got to the front gate, we found the lock forced open. in the pitch black we couldnt see anything, but with the flashlight that a fourth friend brought from his nearby house, i scanned the inside yard. at the far end i saw movement, at which point we decided it was best to visit the principal, get his truck, and come back in force. when we arrived, we found the place empty, but we still walked up and down the grounds, machetes in hand. apparently, the school has been broken into before, but as the classroom doors and the computer room door are all padlocked, no one has ever succeeded in robbing the place of anything valuable. crazy no?