hn38.

i think the hardest thing so far about the whole peace corps experience is that little credit is ever given to the volunteers. anyone who's called licenciado here in honduras, or someone who has graduated from university, is talked to with a huge amount of respect. these people are employed as tecnico's, people who come and advise others, almost like consultants. but when we come in, as voluntarios, even though we might all have advanced degrees (in some cases even a master's), people talk to us in a whole different way. its as if with the title "volunteer" we are clueless, with absolutely nothing to offer. but then, why would we be sent here in the first place? what purpose do we serve? and i know, many of you are probably thinking, dima maybe you're looking at this all wrong. maybe its because of your compulsion to always be right and show off your smartness, that's making you act this way. and yes, that very well may be possible. and if so, forgive me, but i think this goes deeper. i think, because i look young, and am not from here, i am considered just some gringo who's trying to get things done but has no real capacity to do so. and you know what, that's just not fair. just because i don't know all the things honduran farmers grow up with, doesn't mean i'm incapable of everything. it definitely doesn't mean that i grew up in a box, with everything handed to me. i have so many fellow volunteer friends that want to print business cards that say licenciado just so that their opinions begin to matter. and what's worse, when our suggestions are logical, scientifically based, and constructive, they are frequently thrown out based on what some other licenciado said a while back, not taking into account that we are equally qualified to make such statements. and whats even worse, those that come to communities as tecnicos often promote technology or projects produced by their companies just to make a sale, instead of thinking about the community, and so their opinions are naturally biased. the thing is, i know i act like a know-it-all, and i need to work on that, but come on, give me some room to function. why ask for my help to organize a project and then tell me what i should do point by point. if you know how to do it, do it. don't tell me how to do my job. and if i need help, i'll ask. and i will always respect your opinion. but its hard to respect someone's ideas when yours dont get the same. thats all i got for now.

hn37.

there's this guy in my community who i always thought to be a little off, in the head that is. i've chatted with him a few times in jalons, at the cooperative, and he never really said anything more than observational statements, and in a way that made me always tend to walk away slowly, nodding in agreement. but after a few times i realized that the dude just never had a real education, and that at least his intentions were good. and today, well he totally gave me a whole new respect for mankind and honduran campesinos. so i get out of this pickup truck at the entrance to my town, which is about 2 k from my house uphill, and it turns out that the guy, let's call him bob, bob was riding in the front. and so we're walking, and i'm thinking, man this is going to be "fun" [that's sarcasm by the way]. we are walking down the hill when we pass this piece of wood in the middle of the road. i don't think anything of it, but bob stops, picks it up, and throws it into the gulley on the side of the road. without a word he continues walking, and i think, well he's considerate. and then he says:

-man, it's really important to be intelligent right?

-sure, i say, of course (i didn't really know where this conversation was going, so i just smiled and nodded).

-because, not anyone would have picked up that piece of wood, and someone could have gotten really hurt. imagine riding on a motorcycle with your amiguito and all of a sudden you slam into that? and some people just dont think about that kind of stuff

i didn't know what to say. i hadn't even thought of that. and here's this guy, who only finished 3rd grade, can't read or write, and he's more socially responsible than i am. it made me feel awesome, and humble at the same time. the funny thing is that the guy recognized that intelligence was the key, that it was something worthy. most people here spit on education, they leave as soon as they can. of the 9 grades available, many only go to 6. and altough, in some cases its for good reason, especially since your family is starving and you're the only one around who can work, but for many it just doesn't hold any appeal. with my amiguito (that's what he calls me, even though he knows my name) bob, i'm pretty sure it was a necessity, so i respect him for it, even though he's a little behind. but although his demeanor does not exhude genius, i can proudly say that i think bob is smarter than me. and i have a bachelors. what do you say to that, rutgers university?

part 2: evangelical wedding

so i was invited this saturday to my cousins huge evangelical wedding, to be held in corquin at the experimental center of IHCAFE (they have two big conference halls, so...) anyway, i was called early saturday to come help out and receive the gifts for the family, which made me feel pretty damn integrated. at around 6pm, when the wedding was supposed to start, i was standing guard by the present cart, waving people into the hall and awaiting the ceremony. only problem is, punctuality is not a cultural norm here, so when the wedding was supposed to start at 6 30 at the latest, it was 7 30 when finally everyone took their seats. except for me. i made a discovery in my attempts to help that kinda blew my mind. so for a wedding of about 150 people, the family had not hired anyone to serve drinks or food. all they did was call one of the aunts and put her in charge of everything. now I dont know if any of you have experience with banquets, but doing that alone (well, not exactly alone, she had 1 assistant, and another aunt came to help) or even in a group of 3, not possible. so i was upstairs pouring champagne into 150 glasses (which is weird because evangelicals don't drink, so that all went to waste), and setting up the tables when the bride and groom were saying their vows. and when the people took their seats, i served them their food. i think i brought plates to def over 100 people. no serving trays, nothing. 3 plates at a time. running around like an idiot. and the people talking to me like a waiter. do i look like a fucking waiter (to be honest, i was kinda dressed like one, so it could have been confusing, but come on!?) i guess its all part of being a volunteer. :p. however, now, my aunts are all absolutely in love with me, i don't think they've seen many gringos do what i did last night. hooray for non traditional integration techniques, take notes all you volunteers that read this. lol.

hn36.

the periods between entries are slowly increasing in length, so i think its about time i get back to writing. i miss it, mostly because it makes me feel like all ofyou who read this are participating somehow, that you are all here with me to help me through this journey. and yeah, peace corps is one hell of a journey, and its definitely true that we all need someone to let loose with. in this case, its you guys.

but the hard part this time is that there is little for me to say. lately i have been spending a lot of time getting to finally know the town that i live in. i've been here 5 months, and when i thought i knew everyone, now that has all be thrown out the window. and now i wont be so foolish. it weird seeing a place change all around you, but still say the same. it's like what people say about reality sometimes, trying to reference the matrix or any other attempt at trying to shatter our concepts of existence: the world we see is in our minds, imposed there by a serious of neuron connections. i know thats a cliché but still, i thought i'd put it out there. capucas hasn't changed per se, but i have, and now the people i felt like i knew, i now see them for who they are. and the funny thing is that probably in a few months, i will repeat this whole shpiel again. the most amazing aspect of this transformation is that i feel that much closer to my fellow capuqueños. i visit their homes, dring coffee with them, chat about the farms, about livestock, about politics. i know their families, play soccer with the little kids. and now, i am learning about their individual struggles, their poverty, their hopes and aspirations. i am beggining to feel more responsible for these new friends of mine.

its also giving me new ideas for projects, things that i hadn't thought about earlier because i was so isolated in my cooperative. i am starting to think about a scholarship program that we might be able to set up with some generous outside funding in order to send some really poor community children to school. this money would go towards book, school supply, uniform purchase and of course, in the case of secondary education, tuition. i think it would be cool to structure it like a financial aid system, where the child who recieves the funding will then have to pay it back as a percentage after getting a job. that way other children could take advantage of the same opportunities. if anyone has any ideas on how this could be done, let me know. i will keep brainstorming in the meanwhile.

in other news, the horse is good, i've been riding him a whole lot, although i have only been doing that instead of training, so i will have to stop having fun for a bit and train some necessary behavior. slowly but surely however, he is becoming more manageable, and i have done a few long trips with him and without any problems. i have to keep in mind that he's only 2 years old, so i have to cut him some slack.

i have also begun to take weekends off from community life, and his has definitely given me back some of the energy i was missing. life here can get you so caught up in work that its easy to forget that sanity is more important than success.

anyway, thats all i can think of for now. hit me up with ideas if you want. miss you all.